well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
