Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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