The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
