I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
