I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
