btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
