YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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