you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
