Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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