I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
