I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The struggles of a small town man whore
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
