Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
