My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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