btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
