btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well you can't waste a boner
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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