Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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