I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
