im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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