Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
