Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
