Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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