I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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