youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
