You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
