Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
