I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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