I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
