Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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