oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
