She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
