the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
