bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think my moral compass just broke
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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