she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
