True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
