I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
