i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
