Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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