I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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