woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
