Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
