Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
