Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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