remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
