One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
