Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
