so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
