my phone needs a breathalizer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
