i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
