At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
