whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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